Wednesday, August 30, 2006

The World's Funniest Jokes

I have so many things I want to sit & write and post on, links, thoughts.. but this working thing is leaving little computer time to do it. I have them all in my head and one day soon I am going to get them all down. & I have to look up amigdilla.. or something like that..

I came into work yesterday & Marie was eating a fruit salad. I came, put some in a bowl, got a fork, went to take a bite ..and then she gently put down my fork & motioned to eat with my fingers.. and explained that the eating process starts with our fingertips.. how we realize what is good to eat with the sensors of our fingertips which send a message to the amigdala (s/p?) ..anyway.. it turns out Nicky was right. ..and me spending all that time trying to get him to use utensils. Lol

Yeah so leaving that, we are off to some comedy relief, & …

The Worlds Funniest Jokes

The Laughlab - was created by Richard Wiseman of the University of Hertfordshire in England for what he calls the most comprehensive study ever on the psychology of humor. Since it was launched in September, the site has collected more than 40,000 jokes and ratings from almost 2 million people in 70 countries.

This joke ranked #1:

A couple of hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing. His eyes are rolled back in his head.

The other guy whips out his mobile phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?"

The operator, in a calm soothing voice, says: "Just take it easy. First, let's make sure he's dead."

There's silence, then a shot is heard.

The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says, "Okay, now what?"

This one rated a close 2nd:

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
"I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes" replies Watson.
"And what do you deduce from that?"Watson ponders for a minute.
"Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?"
Holmes is silent for a moment. "Watson, you idiot!" he says. "Someone has stolen our tent!"

From the top jokes by country section:

Top joke in Canada

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 C. The Russians used a pencil.

Top joke in Australia

This woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out. She rattles off: “Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What's WRONG with me, Doctor!?” The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says: “Well, I can tell you that there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight....”

Top joke in Belgium

Why do ducks have webbed feet?To stamp out fires.
Why do elephants have flat feet?To stamp out burning ducks.

Check out more funny jokes from the UK regions:

& joke tip: Many of the jokes submitted contained reference to animals. We found that jokes mentioning ducks were seen as funnier than other jokes. And so it’s official – ducks are the funniest comedy animals. Perhaps it’s because of their beaks, or webbed feet, or odd shape. Regardless, the implication is clear – if you are going to tell a joke involving an animal, make it a duck.

: )

No comments: