Saturday, June 21, 2008

Glad to be Alive!!

OK I am hesitant to even write this blog.. but its on my mind so here goes:
I finally got to the beach yesterday. We went to see & film Loren Lockman at his bautiful fasting retreat: The Tanglewood Wellness Center, an hour and a half drive out of the city, yesterday. ..& I will post more about this later.

But after this we went to the beach - We were on the Pacific side.. it was a beautiful beach we went to but interesting because the sand was very black in parts and was all over swirled with white sand giving a very dramatic look, unlike any beach I had ever been to - but it was cool, very softand warm to walk in.. and I went right into the water - the others stayed on the beach, my friend had actually gone up to the car to change.. and I had a brief warning about being careful because there was sometimes an undertow.. well, I thought I was being careful.. it was crazzzy fun.. & I was only 10 feet out, if that, from the shoreline. The waves would come up over you so forcefully, unlike anything I had felt before, kind of like a wavepool x 10! .& I was thinking how my kids, esp Dylan would love it! Sometimes the wave would pull you right down, come over you and roll you over & over back up to shore. I couldn't believe the force & I really thought I was being safe but playing with the waves, after all I wasn't even going out over my head.. and then all of a sudden I got caught in what I found out after was an undertow.. it pulled me right out.. and it was soo forceful & scary & I started swimming & swimming back.. realizing that this was not good!! being pulled under the water.. this was not the friendly Altantic that I was used to.

I almost drowned once before when I was younger, around 10 or 11 years old. My Mom was drawing the illustrations for Mary Majka's book - She was a naturalist from the east coast, who had a Saturday morning tv nature show that I remember watching when I was a kid. Anyway.. back then I got caught in this big tide that came in - a dramatic yearly event that me & my friend Barb, got caught in. I swam for hours & hours in that one and slept for days when I finally got out of it. (btw, that one had this surprsigly peaceful feel to it, I didn't panic, even when pulled under, I still remember from back then seeing the blue looking up and feling lke I was going to die and how peaceful it was - & I had thought since that if I could pick my own death it would be by drowning)

This time it hapened so quickly.. and I was pushed underneath, and swam lke crazy ..but at one point I can honestly say that thought I wasn;t going to make it.. it was black and forceful and I had a hard time getting air - and I felt really bad.. and thought of the kids, and Jim & Mom.. and esp Kaiya was there and I fought it really hard but felt so weak at the end.. my friend James had come back by that time & really risked his life to come get me in, getting pulled under by the undertow twice and having to get back out of it himself.

So, so so intense!! and I came back & barely walked to the towel and dropped, feet & legs covered in black sand and just layed there for a long time. I felt nauseous, drank lots of salt water in there and my head pounded lke crazy..

but wow, it makes you really appreciate life! and I was humbled once again by nature and went back just before leaving, still very weak, and sat by the shoreline and clicked away lots of pictures of this unassuming force of water - which I will now call my friend.
(it let me come back!)

ps. However, next time I come here, I am going to visit Colon, on the Atlantic side and swim in the blue water - white sand beach of the Carribean!!!

ps ps Marie, I thought up some dreamy beach visions for you before all this happened! ..and Luke, got you some fantastic sand for your collection!! I have the best friends, get to bring back cool things for them, a rock for one, a special song for another, etc.. love you all, my beautiful friends who know how to live so deeply and beautifully and about what really matters.

The path back to our car - this was a very private beach, there were guards at a station that we had to report into before being allowed into this area, our Panamanian friend and beautiful hostess, Arlene, knew someone who had a place in here. There were incredibly beautiful gated houses, I only got pics of a few as we drove by.


Mum said...

I somehow knew ... Spirit knew ... something was amiss ... have been checking your blog ... and I am so relieved and grateful to know you are Ok. I Love You XO


aubergine2001 said...

Sounds like it was the type of flow to not go with. Everything is a test and god is in the details. I haven't been here for a while, why did I go today ... enjoy every moment ... take care and I Love you sis.

HiHoRosie said...

YIKES! That is so scary but glad to hear you are okay and your friend too. I've had a near-drowning experience and was so scared. I'm not afraid of water but definitely have a strong respect of it. Hope the rest of your trip goes along swimmingly well (pun intended).

Michelle J said...

Wow, my friend are you OK??? What a scary experience! The ocean is so powerful, you never realize just how much until something happens!! I'm glad your OK!!!

Anonymous said...

"God's timing isn't our timing. He can use things for our teaching if we allow it ......"

".....Faith to me is not attachment to life, just wishing to be saved, but the gratitude to god (sic) who saved my spirit. I had begun to live a real life" .... They embraced a perspective, particularly prevalent in Japanese culture, called wabi sabi: "an existential sense of unavoidable death and its positive acceptance."
Your life is an answered prayer.
Use it to the fullness; your voyage will be less of an illusion now. Yes?

AH said...

Hi Robin, Glad you're okay - it's scary losing control like that, and the sea is a merciless teacher. Looking at that beach, I would not have gone in - it just looks 'wrong' - not friendly..
I too had a near drowing experience as a wee child, and it was like yours - you're the first person I've heard say the same thing - I looked up at the surface and decided I could not reach it again, and just gave up, accepting that I was going to die, and all of a sudden I felt enveloped by a deep peace, no fear, no nothing...and then blacked out and some young guy dived in and saved me.
This time - I'm glad you're okay - I like reading your blog too much!

Paul said...

Thank you Pacific (peaceful)Ocean for sending back our Keiko and to James for bravery. Continue in grace, afloat on all currents and enjoy your amazing Panamanian adventure.

Robin 'Keiko' Gregory said...

I love you, love you, love you - my wonderful, wonderful friends - but now, I am running late for a movie!!!
; ) Big Hugs to each & every one of you!!! xox!
& thank you for being here on this journey with me!