Glad to be Alive!!

OK I am hesitant to even write this blog.. but its on my mind so here goes:
I finally got to the beach yesterday. We went to see & film Loren Lockman at his bautiful fasting retreat: The Tanglewood Wellness Center, an hour and a half drive out of the city, yesterday. ..& I will post more about this later.

But after this we went to the beach - We were on the Pacific side.. it was a beautiful beach we went to but interesting because the sand was very black in parts and was all over swirled with white sand giving a very dramatic look, unlike any beach I had ever been to - but it was cool, very softand warm to walk in.. and I went right into the water - the others stayed on the beach, my friend had actually gone up to the car to change.. and I had a brief warning about being careful because there was sometimes an undertow.. well, I thought I was being careful.. it was crazzzy fun.. & I was only 10 feet out, if that, from the shoreline. The waves would come up over you so forcefully, unlike anything I had felt before, kind of like a wavepool x 10! .& I was thinking how my kids, esp Dylan would love it! Sometimes the wave would pull you right down, come over you and roll you over & over back up to shore. I couldn't believe the force & I really thought I was being safe but playing with the waves, after all I wasn't even going out over my head.. and then all of a sudden I got caught in what I found out after was an undertow.. it pulled me right out.. and it was soo forceful & scary & I started swimming & swimming back.. realizing that this was not good!! being pulled under the water.. this was not the friendly Altantic that I was used to.

I almost drowned once before when I was younger, around 10 or 11 years old. My Mom was drawing the illustrations for Mary Majka's book - She was a naturalist from the east coast, who had a Saturday morning tv nature show that I remember watching when I was a kid. Anyway.. back then I got caught in this big tide that came in - a dramatic yearly event that me & my friend Barb, got caught in. I swam for hours & hours in that one and slept for days when I finally got out of it. (btw, that one had this surprsigly peaceful feel to it, I didn't panic, even when pulled under, I still remember from back then seeing the blue looking up and feling lke I was going to die and how peaceful it was - & I had thought since that if I could pick my own death it would be by drowning)

This time it hapened so quickly.. and I was pushed underneath, and swam lke crazy ..but at one point I can honestly say that thought I wasn;t going to make it.. it was black and forceful and I had a hard time getting air - and I felt really bad.. and thought of the kids, and Jim & Mom.. and esp Kaiya was there and I fought it really hard but felt so weak at the end.. my friend James had come back by that time & really risked his life to come get me in, getting pulled under by the undertow twice and having to get back out of it himself.

So, so so intense!! and I came back & barely walked to the towel and dropped, feet & legs covered in black sand and just layed there for a long time. I felt nauseous, drank lots of salt water in there and my head pounded lke crazy..

but wow, it makes you really appreciate life! and I was humbled once again by nature and went back just before leaving, still very weak, and sat by the shoreline and clicked away lots of pictures of this unassuming force of water - which I will now call my friend.
(it let me come back!)

ps. However, next time I come here, I am going to visit Colon, on the Atlantic side and swim in the blue water - white sand beach of the Carribean!!!

ps ps Marie, I thought up some dreamy beach visions for you before all this happened! ..and Luke, got you some fantastic sand for your collection!! I have the best friends, get to bring back cool things for them, a rock for one, a special song for another, etc.. love you all, my beautiful friends who know how to live so deeply and beautifully and about what really matters.

The path back to our car - this was a very private beach, there were guards at a station that we had to report into before being allowed into this area, our Panamanian friend and beautiful hostess, Arlene, knew someone who had a place in here. There were incredibly beautiful gated houses, I only got pics of a few as we drove by.