Guilt and Breakthroughs

Maybe this isn't a cricket.. but thats what I thought of when I first saw this.

I am looking for the Guilt card from the Osho deck.. I keep drawing one card at a time from here. ..and it's not coming up, I am getting everything else but.. I kept getting mainly Possibilities, Creativity, Sharing, Intensity, the Dream.. These are not even close to Guilt.
& its not that I really feel guilt... well, Ill get back to this.. but its on my mind.

1st a bit of comedy relief:

Saturday I got the Breakthrough card.. & then later that night I was having this vision in front of my eyes.. I was sitting and looking down at the carpet-mat in front of me and it started turning into energy - almost disappearing out of the material realm in front of my eyes. I mean I knew it was there ...and just after I had psyched myself out just enough I got up, having a very good feeling that nothing really is as it seems - and carried on with life. I e-mailed my friend, one who would understand these things..
& he remembered that I had got the Breakthrough card.

I am not sure if you are getting this. ..but work with me ..

Earlier Saturday I was talking with Mi-San - she had just gotten back from Sweden and she was in between meetings. We started joking about how we had it all together.. yeah, like we know whats going on! .. I was telling her I was going to draw a cartoon of us and the last box has us in an asylum looking out - after we were going on how we've got this world all figured out! LOL
We laughed so hard - I was doubled over, side hurting, crying kid of laughing.. we have a habit of getting into this sort of laughter sometimes.. Its so fun.!

ok, Guilt.. I think I have mentioned that I am the only raw foodist in my household. The kids are better than before.. eating a lot more fruit and salads etc.. but they still eat a very SAD conventional diet. My husband - well, I just don't like to talk about him here much because its his life. But lets put it this way.. He shops more in the center isles of the supermarket & I am more on the outside edges.. We are on opposite ends of the spectrum.. & it is me who has changed.. not him, or them. My kids are 15, 16 & 18 - Youngest is my daughter Kaiya - older 2 are boys - Nicholas (Nick, Nicky) & Dylan.

ok, so guilt, on with the story..
I am at Dominion grocery shopping - for all their stuff.. and I have 3 containers of ice cream (25 extra air miles points - which I usually never notice or buy into), bags of chips, bagels.. what else oh yeah, the worse! - boxes of Halloween chocolates.. so the guy behind me makes a comment about me eating this.. "Oh, No, I wouldn't touch it!!" - "Oh, it's to give out?" - "Well, ..yeah, and for my family." - "Oh, don't you feel guilty?" "No, not really." I guess I have just been through the guilt thing - thought it out. I used to feel guilty for lots of things. Now I just make choices. It does in one way seem wrong.. and I would love to have a home where I could make all the food choices and feel really great about everything I bought - but reality is that I have been married 18 years and have brought up my kids on boxed cereals & cartons of ice cream - & mainly home- made stuff.. but well, I am running out of time to get into all the things I could get into from here..
I think what I really want to say here is.. there are a million and one reasons and realities for what everyone is doing, the choices we and everyone around us makes.. All we can really change is ourselves. I could feel bad that I am not doing enough.. or I could just keep trying to do better.
Guilt really is not a very productive emotion. It sets us back.
I am a raw person living in a cooked food world - for now... I am trying to change that.. but mainly by changing myself. I feel that in my situation, and in many situations, inspiration is probably the best.

oh, 1 more Guilt subject. I had a friend ask me.. don't you have any guilty pleasures? I think I answered at the time - "No, not really" ..and its true. If I eat something that isn't raw, its a conscious decision and not something I ever feel guilty about.
and if you are curious about my conscious non-raw decisions - they are rare, but sometimes sesame snaps, roasted salted nuts and testing out Luke's chili or the soups we make at work - Thats about it - its very minor. oh & I use maple syrup sometimes.. maybe a bit of balsamic vinegar or mustard ..yk condiments. I say I am 90% raw .. to give myself some leeway.. but I think I am 95+ really.. & its not a competition, its just doing what makes you happiest at every moment.

k, g2run.. Have a Spectacular, Dreamy, Creative, Breakthrough kind of day!!!
..& most of all Have fun! = ) Yay, its going to be another one of these days!!